From what’s normal to handling them with confidence
There are many joyful moments in parenting, but we’re sure we can all agree that prolonged night wakes aren’t one of them. The constant ups and downs, blurry-eyed in the dark. The anxiety about how the night will unfold, the exhaustion from broken sleep the night before, and not knowing what to do for the best.
Above all, we understand it can feel like a challenge you’re facing alone, especially during those small, isolating hours of the morning. But our resident baby sleep experts, Gem and Eve of Calm & Bright, are here to reassure you that you’re far from alone and more restful nights are within reach.
Combining NHS expertise and real-life experience with their gentle, empowering sleep solutions for babies and toddlers, they’re sharing what’s truly normal when it comes to night wakes and how you can approach prolonged issues with confidence.
Expect expert insights, supportive guidance, and genuine understanding from two mums who’ve been there…
Bringing a baby into the world is extraordinary. But when it comes to sleep, the noise, myths, and mixed messages can feel overwhelming. As new parents, you may not know what to expect when it comes to night wakes - or what is truly normal. You might worry you’re “making a rod for your own back” by feeding your baby every time they wake, or
wonder if you have to choose between your baby’s needs and your own rest. Is “bad sleep” just something you have to accept?
The good news is that night waking is biologically and emotionally normal - especially in the first months of life. Babies aren’t born with the sleep architecture (melatonin and circadian rhythm) required to sleep long, restorative stretches overnight. Their brains are still developing, and they naturally wake between sleep cycles. For the first six months, we recommend your sole focus be on responding to your baby’s needs on demand, building a secure attachment, and laying the foundations for healthy future sleep.
This is not “spoiling” your baby; it’s nurturing the perfect base for confident, independent sleep in the future. But don’t worry, sleep doesn’t have to be a write-off during this time, and we’ll give you some tips on this later on in this article.
After the six-month mark, your baby’s sleep patterns begin to mature. They’re biologically capable of sleeping longer stretches, and gentle strategies can support more consolidated sleep. But even then, night waking is still normal and often linked to teething, developmental leaps, illness, or changes in routine. Understanding what is
normal at each stage can help parents respond calmly and confidently, without guilt or pressure.
Biology & Night Wakes
Babies aren’t born with the biological sleep architecture needed to sleep long, restorative stretches overnight. In these first six months, their nervous systems are still maturing, and frequent waking is biologically normal. They rely on you to feed, soothe, and provide comfort, and responding to these needs on demand is not only appropriate, it’s essential for fostering a secure, loving attachment. This early connection is the foundation for healthy sleep, emotional well-being, and the confidence your baby will need to eventually learn self-settling.
Beyond these early months, as your baby’s sleep architecture matures, and alongside a secure attachment, they are already capable of learning to self-settle. This is a skill, just like walking or talking, that can be taught gently, without pressure or guilt. Supporting your baby to self-settle helps them gain confidence in their own ability to sleep while continuing to feel safe, loved, and secure. It’s not about abandoning your baby; it’s about scaffolding a skill in a compassionate, reassuring way.
Reducing Night Wakes: The Right Opportunity
Reducing night wakes is all about creating the right conditions and opportunities for your baby to practice this skill. Key factors include:
Wake Windows & Nap Gaps
Sleep pressure builds gradually, so well-timed naps and appropriate wake windows help your baby feel ready for sleep at bedtime and through the night. Too little or too much awake time can make them overtired or wired, increasing night waking.
Consistent Routines
Predictable cues and short, consistent bedtime routines signal that sleep is coming. These routines provide reassurance and safety, reducing anxiety around sleep.
Self-Settling Opportunities
Just as you support your baby to explore walking or talking, you can support them to settle independently. Start by giving gentle opportunities to fall asleep drowsy but awake, using reassurance and presence as needed. Each small success strengthens their belief that they can sleep independently.
Night Wakes Troubleshooting
If night waking is leaving you exhausted, it helps to break it down with a simple approach:
How old is your baby, and how are they getting to sleep?
Consider whether your baby is still within the early months, where on-demand sleep is appropriate, or whether they are beyond six months and capable of more consolidated sleep. How your baby falls asleep initially - feeding, rocking, or self-settling (there’s nothing wrong with any of those things) impacts what happens overnight. If your baby always falls asleep in your arms, they may naturally look for you when they transition between sleep cycles.
What happens when they wake?
Observe your baby’s cues. Do they wake briefly and settle themselves, or are they fully awake and distressed? Understanding their wake pattern will help you respond appropriately - sometimes a few gentle reassurances or a hand on their back is enough to encourage them back to sleep without a full feed or pick-up.
How happy are you with your baby’s sleep?
Parent sleep is just as important as baby sleep. If the current routine is leaving you exhausted, anxious, or disconnected, it’s a sign to explore small, manageable adjustments. Even minor changes, such as a consistent bedtime, a soothing routine, or gentle self-settling strategies, can significantly improve rest for the whole family.
Understanding these questions helps you respond in a way that respects your baby’s developmental stage while gently guiding them toward independence. Every time you put your baby to sleep for them, we unconsciously reinforce the idea that they cannot sleep on their own. By providing consistent, reassuring support and gradually introducing self-settling opportunities, you help them develop the skills they are already capable of. With this approach, night waking doesn’t have to be a source of stress or guilt. Instead, it becomes a window into your baby’s developmental needs, an opportunity to strengthen your connection, and a chance to teach them a skill that will benefit their long-term sleep and emotional resilience.
Evidence-Based Strategies from Our Paediatric Nurse Team
- Respond With Connection
In the early months, respond to your baby with warmth and presence. Skin-to-skin, gentle touch, and soothing words all communicate safety. This builds secure attachment and reduces stress for both baby and parent.
- Lay the Foundations for Self-Settling
As babies grow, supporting them to settle independently is possible and empowering. This doesn’t mean leaving them to cry alone, but gently encouraging them to learn how to fall asleep without needing constant assistance. For example, put them down drowsy but awake, offer a comforting presence nearby, and gradually reduce hands-on settling.
- Build a Calm Sleep Environment
Consistent sleep conditions support better night's rest. Keep the room dim, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature. White noise or a familiar soft sound can help babies feel secure and cue that it’s time for sleep.
- Routine and Predictability
Even in the early months, predictability helps. A simple bedtime routine - bath, cuddle lullaby, feed - signals sleep and provides comfort. Over time, this routine reassures babies and reduces anxiety around night waking.
- Track Patterns, Not Perfection
Every baby is unique. Keep a simple sleep log to notice patterns and triggers rather than expecting perfect sleep every night. Tracking helps you identify realistic strategies and celebrate small wins.
- Gentle Sleep Teaching Post-Six-Months
After six months, sleep teaching can be introduced without pressure or guilt. Techniques like the gradual retreat or scenic route method gently guide babies toward self-settling. The goal isn’t perfection but confidence - for both baby and parent - knowing that longer stretches of sleep are possible.
What’s Possible
Night waking is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a natural part of infant development, and responding with love and patience is the best way to support yourchild. You are teaching them that the world is safe, that their needs are important, and that sleep is a secure, predictable process.
Remember, you are not alone. Thousands of parents navigate night waking, and support is available without judgment. Trusting yourself, observing your baby, and using gentle strategies will help you find a rhythm that works for your whole family.
By understanding normal sleep patterns, responding with connection, and using evidence-based strategies, families can achieve:
- Longer stretches of night sleep without fear or pressure
- Reduced parental anxiety around bedtime and night waking
- Strengthened parent-child bonds and secure attachment
- Greater confidence in your own instincts and decisions
Empowering Tips for Night Wakes
- Keep your baby’s sleep environment consistent and calming
- Offer reassurance without creating a reliance on constant feeding or holding
- Consider your baby’s age and developmental stage before introducing sleep teaching
- Celebrate every small step toward self-settling
- Keep routines simple and consistent, even during travel or disruptions
- Take care of yourself - rested parents make better, calmer sleep guides
With understanding, connection, and evidence-led guidance, longer stretches of sleep are absolutely possible. Trust your instincts, respond with love, and know that both you and your baby are exactly where you’re meant to be on this incredible journey.
Night waking can feel challenging, but you’re not alone - and you don’t need to navigate it in isolation. Keep an eye out for our Night Wakes Q&A on the Mamas & Papa's Instagram. Follow us and turn your notifications on to catch new content, get reassurance, and learn practical, evidence-based strategies to support your baby’s sleep. Connecting with other parents and our team can make a huge difference, helping you feel empowered, confident, and supported every step of the way.
Connect With Us
Discover more about our gentle, love-led sleep support at Calm & Bright Sleep Support. You’ll also find more helpful articles by us on the Let’s Talk Sleep pages on the Mamas & Papas website and app.
